


A Great Day for Dicks

by ObsessedtwibrarianOTB



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 08:46:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6367897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsessedtwibrarianOTB/pseuds/ObsessedtwibrarianOTB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake and Bella take advantage of a snowstorm to mete out a little revenge. (A/H, 498 words, based on the song prompt, Let it Snow by Dean Martin)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Great Day for Dicks

“You’re not going to believe this.”

Bella stopped stirring. “What?”

“Paul ditched us. That was him on the phone with this lame excuse about the weather outside being fuck-awful, and his fire being all hot-damn. He said he didn’t feel like going out in this bitch of a snowstorm just for a tree decorating dinner.”

Bella snorted and went back to stirring the batter. “Sounds like the douchebag version of _Let it Snow_.”

“His excuse is bullshit,” I said, only mildly irritated since this was Paul we were talking about. “He doesn’t care about the weather _or_ his warm fire. He’s blowing us off for that blonde, the one he dumped a couple of months ago because he was ‘head over heels’ with Angela.”

Bella whipped around, eyeing me menacingly. “Is this the same blonde who called me a pretentious bookworm who couldn’t find her own vagina with both hands and a map? The one who said you’d fuck your own abs if it was physically possible? _That one?!”_

Bella was so adorable when she was outraged. I grinned. “Yep.”

She swore and attacked the batter like it was Paul’s face. “Poor Angela. I tried to warn her but she wouldn’t listen.” She slammed the spoon down on the counter and turned back around, fists on hips. “Paul is nothing but a gigantic DICK!”

I sighed. “Yeah, and he was supposed to bring the holiday spirits. Looks like we gotta make a beer run.”

Bella unfastened her apron and dropped it to the floor with an evil grin. “I have a better idea.”

  
**< ======3**

Smoke was curling lazily from the chimney, curtains drawn tight. No one was stirring, not even a dick. His car was parked near the road instead of its usual spot by the house—less shoveling to get out after the storm.

Then the snow just turned off. Like a light switch.

“That Karma chick is one accommodating bitch,” I mused, casting a sidelong look at Bella and chuckling at her deliciously mischievous expression.

“Let’s get busy,” she said. “Only a couple of hours before dark.”

 

**< ======3**

 

Bella grinned. “Are we talented or what?”

I shook my head, totally in awe of our creation. “It’s a masterpiece.”

She nodded. “I’d love to be a fly on a snowflake and see Paul’s reaction when he realizes he has to shovel a monstrously large snow-penis and balls off of his car before he can drive it.”

We stared at our very own “Sistine Chapel” in worshipful silence for a few moments more.

“This is one of the many reasons why I chose you instead of Edward,” she said with a sudden seriousness. “Can you imagine him spending a Saturday afternoon helping me build a massive snow-dick on someone’s car?”

Rhetorical question, of course. No one could imagine that.

“I can be myself with you. No judgments,” she said quietly. “That’s real love.”

I squeezed her hand.

_And that’s my gift to you…_


End file.
